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Emi's Story

Posted 9/23/22 (Fri)

Stories from Heartview Alumni

Taking the first step to recovery can be scary, but hearing from others who have come to Heartview and changed their lives can make recovery seem within reach.

What was your life like before coming to Heartview?
What lead to me starting drugs was a toxic relationship. I did whatever to make him love me, even doing drugs and partying in hopes I would be good enough as the people he partied with. It was a dark 10 years I never thought I'd escape. I knew he was messing around with harder drugs the last two years of our relationship. I never had done meth or heroin, I was proud myself because I didn't want anything to do with those drugs. He knew that and he couldn't stand when I was doing better in life. He took my choice away by putting meth in my Gatorade and that's where my dark hole got deeper and deeper. Meth dug its claws in and within a year I lost my apartment, my job, friends, and everything I had worked for, but ironically the meth is what made me finally see him without rose colored glasses. I moved home with my parents and never saw him again but I now had an addiction that would continue to wreck havoc on my life. I met someone else and drugs were involved. After getting into legal trouble, we got clean and found out we were pregnant. The day she was born was best day of my life, I was still clean, but my now husband developed a drinking problem. My daughter is 4. I have relapsed 3 times since I had her. I lose myself to drugs bad, and I always get caught, but I have also gotten sober 3 times. I kept allowing myself back into a toxic environment while being sober. In the NA book it says " When our addiction was treated as a crime or moral deficiency, we became religious and were driven deeper into isolation." That's exactly what happened to me before coming to Heartview. My life was on the line. Being away from my daughter was always on my mind yet I kept using. I've never been away from her even in my addiction.

How did you take the first step to recovery?

The month before Heartview I wasn't passing my drug tests and I was warned I would have a warrant in a few days, so I called Heartview. I didn’t want to leave my daughter but I knew I had to. My 30th birthday was days after getting to Heartview, I remember telling my mom this is going to be worst birthday, but now I look at it as that was the best present I could have given myself.

What was your time at Heartview like?

The first few days were rough, I thought I was dying, but then it was amazing life changing experience. The support, the staff, the residents all impacted me. This was my first time ever in treatment, and also my first time ever doing anything for myself and allowing myself time to heal and get to know who I am. I loved it.

What is your life like now?

I didn't know what I was going to do after treatment but I knew I couldn't go home. While in Heartview I fell in love with the Cando community. I went home just to pack and was back in Cando within 3 days of leaving treatment. Biggest move I've ever made and I couldn't be happier. I attend outpatient and meetings, I love having Heartview in my life because they helped me see the kind of person I can be sober. 

Now my goal is to be a tech at Heartview once I have enough sober time. It's home to me. I never imagined I'd ever be where I am today. Adjusting has been hard and I've had my struggles and obstacles but I'm handling them and not numbing. I'm working through them. I'm happy, my daughter is happy. I got a second chance and I will do anything in my power to not go backwards! I changed my entire life because nothing else I had tried worked. Here is to new beginnings and taking it a day at a time. We do recover. 

 

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