Art grew up on a farm and ranch in western North Dakota and graduated from high school in Beach in 1978. The summer between his junior and senior years, his dad died of cancer.
“That had left me as the oldest one at home. There was a lot of pressure on me to be a grown up in the family, and it was pressure I didn’t want. I was 17 years old, going into my senior year, and there was a lot of fun to be had. So I wasn’t very responsible. I look back at it now and see that was kind of when my dependence started on alcohol and drugs.”
Carrying the weight
Art’s strict Catholic family were social drinkers, but alcohol had never been a problem in their home. During his senior year, his high school girlfriend became pregnant. “That was the hardest thing that I ever had to tell my mom. My mom didn’t talk to me for a long time afterward.” Art was already struggling with depression and at times thought of suicide. “I thought that would be an easier out than having to tell my mom.”
His mom didn’t approve of the relationship, so he ended it to try to make her happy. Art went to work in the oil field. “When you are single and making a lot of money, you spend a lot of money and you spend a lot of money that you don’t have. So that kind of got me in trouble and I was court committed to go to Heartview. It scared me to death.”
Walking in the door
Art arrived at Heartview determined to get help. “I was honestly there to get help, I really was.”
He spent his birthday in treatment. When his mom visited, he broke down in his room. “I was just oh so scared.” She put her arm around him and said, “Just be honest.” “I thought, that is probably what I needed to hear. I wasn’t going to lie, I wasn’t going to make up any more stories. But rather, be truthful with myself and with my family.”
He also found perspective among his peers. “I met a lot of people that I felt that had it way worse than I did. Some people there couldn’t drink coffee because they were shaking so bad.”
“The first day of Family Week, each of my family members sat across from me and told me the things I have done that I had tried to forget. I had no idea that I had hurt them as much as I had. It was very beneficial for me to have to hear all of that.” Later in the week, he got to tell them how they had hurt him, and that mattered just as much.
When he left treatment, doubt remained, but his family drew a clear line: there would be consequences if he started drinking again. He took it to heart.
Starting over
Art’s first job back was on a drilling rig where the whole crew were alcoholics. On his first day, they told him he could drink. “That was my last day on that rig.” He found a different crew.
Art married and had five children. His fourth child was born with hydranencephaly and died at age three and a half. “There was no choice to go out and start drinking, I had to deal with it sober. Even after he passed, I stayed sober. One time, I got terminated from an oil field job and my sobriety survived that as well. Twenty years ago, I got divorced and my sobriety survived that.” Today, he says life is good, he is re-married to the love of his life and has had a good career in the oil field.
A daughter found
Art’s ex-girlfriend had placed their daughter for adoption, and for years he called her once a year to ask whether she’d heard anything. In 2020, when his daughter was 42, she connected with Art’s son on 23andMe.
They emailed, then talked by phone, then met at a Perkins. Art brought a dozen roses and cried. “I said, ‘I have waited 42 years for this, I didn’t know where you were, I didn’t even know if you were alive.’” For three hours, there was not a silent moment. She thanked him for putting her up for adoption and giving her a good life. Her adoptive dad later gave him a book inscribed “from one father to another,” filled with photos of her growing up, ending with a picture of Art and his daughter. “Getting to meet her made my life complete.”
What sobriety changed
“I think about where I’d be had I not gone through treatment and I am not sure I would be alive or not in jail. My life was centered around using and drinking, now after treatment my life is centered around my family and my sobriety.”
He still faces the same problems as anyone, such as money worries. The difference is how he meets them. “Before, when I was drinking, I didn’t care if I had enough money or not, I just figured I would worry about it the next day. Now it is the realization that I have to face it up front and take care of it.”
Art has gone back to speak with students at his high school, to let them know there are other options besides drinking and drugs. His advice to anyone considering treatment: “It is taking that very first step and being true to yourself. I still deal with the same problems, I just deal with them sober. If you can deal with something with a clear mind, you will be surprised how much different things can be.”
“I want to thank places like Heartview, they have changed the world for so many people. All my faith and glory to God is that I am sober, and with the help of family and friends and Heartview I am able to say that 45 years ago today I quit drinking.”
